COMET CENTRAL

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz , Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after it's stop in New York. This would have...

Q: What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
A: Aw, shucks!

Q: What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
A: Attire.

My wife thinks it's weird that I stare at the window when it's raining really heavy outside.
It would be a lot less weird if she let me in.

An 80 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so w...

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he could stop at any time!

A guy said to a wise man, "Is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"

The wiseman said yes.

The guy said, "Is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"

The wiseman said yes.

The guy said, "Can I have a penny?"

The wiseman said, "Sure, just a second."

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made...

An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells, "Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!" "Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have tha...

Dad: You should become a cop..

Daughter: I don't want to.

Dad: You chase the same men they do. Might as well get paid for it.

A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and place...

If you liked the ones above, here's a couple more...


Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
A: An Investigator!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snake with a tasty dessert?
A. A pie-thon!

Q: What's the smartest animal?
A: A fish because they stay in schools!

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn't find any. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case. Is...

If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C? Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned? Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty. The word "swims" ...

I've always wanted to get a job as a mirror cleaner. It's something I could really see myself doing.

Also, it would give me time to reflect on what I was doing.

A couple of years after purchasing my '66 Caliente, it started burning oil Big Time! , like 1 qt. every 80-100 miles! Friends and strangers suggested just dropping some additive into the crankcase. To me, that seemed like adding sawdust as some unscrupulous dealers used to mask major problems in ord...