Do we have a Joke Thread here?

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Aussiecomet64
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Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 3:58 pm

Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Aussiecomet64 »

I was just thinking about a place where we can share a joke, and I looked around the site a bit but couldn't find a dedicated place.
There must be hundreds of jokes we can share, and any racial or religious reference could be substituted with "Chevy driver".
e.g. A young lady goes to her local doctor, complaining that her whole body hurts. "Impossible" says the doctor. "No it's not!" says the young lady. She proceeded to touch her knee. "Look. When I touch here, it hurts. She then touched her elbow. "When I touch here, it hurts". She then touched her jaw. "When I touch here it hurts, too".
The doctor took a moment to think, then asked her "Do you drive a Chevy?" The young lady replied "Well yes, I do".
The doctor said "I thought so. You have a broken finger".

popscomet
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Location: Jacksonville, Arkansas

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by popscomet »

THAT could also be mistaken for a BLONDE JOKE !! BUT it 's cool !! pop
Image
pop/glenda

BJB
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Location: Terra Australis (Down under to the Yanks)

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by BJB »

Apparently the people of Dubai don't get the Flintstones humour .......... but the people of Abu Dhabi do !
"I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains,..enough with the floods already..."

BJB
Posts: 894
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:49 pm
Location: Terra Australis (Down under to the Yanks)

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by BJB »

was driving past the local cemetery the other day and saw 4 men dressed in black, carrying a coffin. About 40 minutes later, I came back home and as I drove past the cemetery, those 4 men were still there, carrying the coffin.



I think they had lost the plot.....
"I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains,..enough with the floods already..."

Tbart
Posts: 227
Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2014 7:21 pm

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Tbart »

How do you catch a unique bird? You neek up on it.
How do you catch a tame one? Tame way. You neek up on it.

Tbart
Posts: 227
Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2014 7:21 pm

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Tbart »

We had a big forest fire that was out of control. The regular firemen said "it's too much" and went home. "We have to do SOMETHING" said the Mayor and one of his aides said " Look in the phone book yellow pages" and sure enough, CHEVROLET FIREFIGHTERS- WE'RE CHEAP. Mayor calls them and they agree to $100 dollars to extinguish the blaze. "We'll be right there" After a while we started getting nervous but then, at the last minute, over the hill came the CHEVROLET FIREFIGHTERS in their 1951 Chevy firetruck, loaded down with wet blankets on the top and Chevy firemen clinging to the sides. Down the hill they came and careened straight into the heart of the fire. All we could hear was the FAWUMP FAWUMP FAWUMP of their wet blankets as they furiously beat back the flames and soon,the giant fire was OUT! As the blackened smoldering Chevy firemen staggered out of the charred ashes, the mayor runs up to the Chief, thanking them profusely for saving the town and hands the Chief the $100 dollar check. He asks "What are you going to do with all that money?" The Chevy Firefighter Chief ponders it and says "Guess we'll be fixin the brakes on the firetruck first".

popscomet
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Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:19 pm
Location: Jacksonville, Arkansas

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by popscomet »

:lol: :lol: I sure hope none of you joke tellers quit your day jobs :!: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: POP
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pop/glenda

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loman
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Location: Missouri

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by loman »

What do you call it when a car transporter loaded with brand new Chevrolets drives over the edge of a cliff?

A good start!

popscomet
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Location: Jacksonville, Arkansas

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by popscomet »

loman wrote:What do you call it when a car transporter loaded with brand new Chevrolets drives over the edge of a cliff?

A good start!
OR a blessing !! POP
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pop/glenda

Tbart
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Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2014 7:21 pm

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Tbart »

A guy gets an invitation to join a swanky country club. He gets the deluxe tour of the facilities. "This is our 18 hole pro tour golf course" says the guide."You can play any day but Thursday". The tour goes on."This is our heated Olympic sized swimming pool" "You can swim in it any day but Thursday". On they go. "This is our deluxe sauna and steam room" You can use it any day but Thursday." In the corner of the shower room is a large barrel with a 3" hole in the side. "Whats that?" asks the new country clubber. "Oh, that's pretty special. Go ahead and stick your thing in that hole" So the guy does it and receives a fantastic BJ. "Wow! That's great!" "Yep" says the guide "And you can use it any day but Thursday". The new recruit says "Now wait a minute. What's so special about Thursday? Why can't I use any of this stuff on Thursday?" "Well", says the tour guide "Thursday is your day in the barrel".

Aussiecomet64
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 3:58 pm

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Aussiecomet64 »

Q: If a Camaro and an Impala were both dropped simultaneously from a Chinook at 6,000 feet, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Aussiecomet64
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 3:58 pm

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Aussiecomet64 »

Chevrolet Marketing Dept. has released a new line of shoes.
Embossed on one shoe is the Mighty Bow Tie, and on the other is embossed "TGIF".

It stands for Toes Go In First.

BJB
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Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:49 pm
Location: Terra Australis (Down under to the Yanks)

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by BJB »

I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey until I turned myself around.
"I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains,..enough with the floods already..."

BJB
Posts: 894
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:49 pm
Location: Terra Australis (Down under to the Yanks)

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by BJB »

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now tell me, what the HECK would you say?"
"I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains,..enough with the floods already..."

Aussiecomet64
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 3:58 pm

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Aussiecomet64 »

Hey, this thread is coming along nicely! :D We all need a bit of a giggle from time to time.

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